Am I addicted to work?

Addiction is something I have been thinking about quite a lot lately.  I am curious to understand the difference between a habit and an addiction. 

When I google the definition of addiction I find the following:

“the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma. “ (www.dictionary.com)

This would indicate that an addiction is a really bad habit.  While I enjoy the habit of drinking wine or going to the gym, I don’t believe that the cessation of it would cause severe trauma.  I was listening to a podcast yesterday and someone mentioned that work can be an addiction.  It was like a bolt of lightning struck me in the head.  Is that my problem, am I addicted to work?

If I am not doing something productive, I have no idea what to do.  I start each day, each week with a list of things I need to achieve.  I proudly tick off my list as I go.  I typically add a whole bunch of new items to the list as the week progresses which only adds to my frantic schedule.  I see everything I do as having an impacting on how I work.  Do I bring my best game to whatever it is I am doing?  Am I displaying myself in the way I want to be seen?  Is there an opportunity that I am overlooking?  And on the occasion when I do sit down and try to numb by brain a little by watching Netflix – I feel guilty as there is always some other piece of work I could be doing.

Like so many others I wear my “busy badge” with pride.  But why?  Does anyone really care if I am busy or not?  Am I just being boring when people ask me how I am, and my answer is always “really busy”.  Have I just got into such of habit of being busy that it has formed an addiction?

I am certainly not the only person out there who works hard.  Anyone who owns their own business appreciates that there is no such thing as 9-5, and work-life balance means that you occasionally slot in some time in your schedule for your family or to exercise.  We make sacrifices of our family life, our health and our well being for our business.  When work is your life – there is no need to balance anything out.  Of course, this is not healthy, but sadly it is true for a lot of business owners.

The picture I have included with this blog is of my office in Goulburn.   This is my bed which is in my office, allowing me to maximise my working days when I am away.  I arrive in Goulburn on Tuesday morning.  I work until I am ready to crash out.  I pull out my flip-out bed and I get a few hours sleep.  Depending on how busy I am, I set my alarm for either 3am or 4am.  I pack my bed away and I turn on my laptop and work until I leave the office at around 5pm for the 2 hour drive home.  No wonder by the time I get home I am exhausted.  I am definitely not bringing my best game to my family!  Thankfully this is only 2 days per week – but it is 2 days each week that I sacrifice to devote entirely to my business.  I am lucky to get to 4000 steps on those days.  I am no hero, I am just someone who is addicted to making sure my business succeeds.

I have not idea why I do this.  What drives me to take on more, to work harder, to aim higher?  Why is it so difficult to delegate work?  Is it that I don’t trust that others can do what I am doing, or is it that I need to just be busy?  I feel that I need to apologise to my staff on a regular basis if we have not met our targets because it is my fault - I did not work hard enough.  Perhaps I should have worked on Sunday as well as Saturday?  Why do I feel so accountable and unable to just let go a little, to share the responsibility, to be a little kinder to myself?

So what can I do about this possible addiction?  There is possibly a self-help group called Workaholics Anonymous, but I can’t see that being too successful.  No one would be able to fit the meetings into their schedule.  I know I would struggle to fit it into mine.  I think any solutions will require baby steps rather than radical change. 

I am pretty close to finishing my 30 day detox challenge and I am thinking my next challenge will be something to do with breaking my work addiction.  I am not exactly sure how to do this but I am going to start with meditation.  I have not mediated before but I am going to learn how.  My next challenge will be 30 days of learning how to mediate and seeing it is helps to quieten my mind.  Stay tuned, I am sure there will be another blog in this new challenge.

If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to leave a comment.  Now get back to work 😊