When your kids grow up

Inevitably all things must change.  Sometimes we crave change, other times we want our little bubble of happiness not to burst.  We want some moments to last for ever.  But it cannot and we must face the reality that moments turn into memories.  Some moments are defining moments, others can simply be forgotten.  Some bring joy, others bring sadness.  And there are these pivotal moments that change the direction your life will take you.

I find it interesting to choose certain moments in time and then trace them back to what started it all.  All the twists and turns along the way that lead to that one moment.  Were they merely coincidental or was there always a greater plan?  Everyone has differently beliefs about this, but I believe that our lives path is somewhat guided for us.  We need to make decisions based on our gut feelings and we should not regret those decisions because they were meant to lead us in a direction for a reason.

In the past few weeks my son Jordan has made a major life decision and it has highlighted to me that my babies have grown up.  Interesting my older son Joel made a similar decision when he was around the same age and I am equally as proud of both of my boys for making these big decisions despite both of them being concerned that they would upset me as a result.  As a mother you only want what is best for your children, you want them to be happy and healthy and you don’t want them to live with regrets.  You devote yourself to guiding them until they can guide themselves.  There are feelings of achievement and loss all mixed together. 

There are so many milestone moments as a child grows up.  First steps, first days of school, last days of school, sporting achievements, exam results, first jobs, all proudly shared and celebrated with parents.  Your child’s achievement is also your achievement and we can’t help but live our life through our children.   However, this latest milestone comes without fanfare or a defining date.  It sneaks up on you in a phone call from you child advising you that they have made a life altering decision without your assistance.  All you can do is have faith that you have given them the grounding and guidance to have made the best decision, and support them in it.

I started 2019 dealing with the change of having both of my children decide to move out and live with their father.  Although it saddened me, I knew it was a good decision for our “Brady Bunch” family.  The move actually made us closer.  We were no longer bickering about silly things like leaving dirty plates in the sink and the eternally messy bedrooms.  We were now having regular phone chats and meeting for lunch where we could have a laugh and share a bottle of wine.  I still had my step son and his girlfriend living with us, so the house was always busy with activity.

We became empty nesters in September when Jarrod and Charley moved out.  This was a bigger change than I had anticipated.  There are some distinct benefits in being an empty nester.  You don’t have to worry about getting caught ducking from the bathroom to the bedroom in the nude (nice), and you always have the rights to use the lounge room TV. Yet life does feel different now that all the kids have gone.  I no longer needed to cater for whoever may be home for dinner – it was just us and cooking for 2 is no way near as interesting as cooking for 6.  It is quiet, sometimes too quiet.  The house is generally pretty tidy but it also means there is less to do so Netflix has been getting a good work out.  I think we (as in Rod and I) are both trying to adjust to our new reality.

My challenge for 2020 is to find something to fill the gap other than work.  Until now my life has revolved around working and following my kids around to sport.  With so many hours spent driving to training, watch their games, being involved in the sporting clubs, little time was left to find any interests of my own.  Any available spare time was devoted to work (and continues to be).  The irony, now that I have time to have more “balance” in my life, I have no idea how to do that.  I am just spending more and more time working. 

I know there are plenty more milestones ahead and my kids are still a big part of my life.  Coming to terms with the changes of being middle age can be difficult, but I am very much aware that I need to embrace every minute.  I have a few ideas of new things that I will be adding to my life in 2020 to fill some of those gaps.  I am looking forward to some new and interesting challenges in the year ahead, both professionally and as I tinker with some new hobbies.  Life is short and we need to enjoy each and every moment and embrace where our life path is taking us.

Most importantly, I will be a keen observer of my son’s lives as they choose their own directions.  They know that I am always available for a chat and I will always be here to support them in their decisions.  But they will be their decisions, not my decisions because they are grown ups now.