Blessed

This week has been a great week for me personally. The highlight came last night.  I felt truly honoured to be nominated and voted as a finalist in the Goulburn Business Excellence Awards in the category of Business Leader.  I would never have nominated myself for this award.  I was nominated by someone (other than my staff) as a surprise.  Knowing that I was involved in organising the awards it was kept as a total surprise – nothing mentioned in the program.  The first I knew of it was when I got called up as a finalist. 

I am pretty sure I know who nominated me and I truly thank them for this honour.  You see, I usually feel undeserved when it comes to any recognition in Goulburn because I don’t live there.  I spend part of my week, ever week there.  I own a business, pay rent, buy goods and services and employ staff there.  I am involved in a number of community organisations there.  When people ask me where I am from (in a business setting), I usually answer Goulburn.  Yet, my home address is in Sydney so I feel I can never really be considered a Goulburn business person.

Yet last night a friend anonymously validated that (to some at least) I am a Goulburn business person.  Even better, our business went of to receive two other awards on the night.   People were congratulating me and saying how well deserved it all was.  That was just as big a surprise. When our Mayor handed me our Employer of Choice award and said “well deserved Jo”, I was so chuffed. The only word I could think of was that I am blessed.  Blessed to be a member of such an accepting and dynamic business community.  Bless to have such great staff and friends in that community.  Blessed to have found my community.

The last few weeks have been pretty amazing with some exciting opportunities presenting themselves.  Who knows where they may lead but I am going to try my hardest to make the most of these opportunities.  However, I do find it very hard to accept that I deserve anything good to happen to me.

I believe it is called imposter syndrome.  The definition according to Wikipedia is:

a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud".

As my business gets more successful I struggle with this.  My internal critical voice is always talking, saying I am not doing things well enough, I am not expert enough, perhaps I am just not good enough.

Last week I met a new friend at our Meet the Press Masterclass course, Bronwen Sciortino.  Bronwen introduced herself to the group as a recovering perfectionist.  I am sure the fact we clicked almost instantly was not coincidental.  Bronwen has written two books to help other perfectionists and I am working my way through them now.  You can find out more about Bronwen at her website  https://sheiqlife.com/. 

In her first book Bronwen mentions a major award she won and how she felt guilt at winning it.  I confess my first reaction last night was exactly that.  How can I be nominated for this award?  Who have I pushed out of the running?  How embarrassing?

I thought straight away of Bronwen.  Her words were pushing back against my inner voice.  I graciously accepted my awards and instead of guilt, I felt pride.

I don’t know too many people who word harder than I do.  I work exceptionally long hours and I volunteer time to help other businesses and community groups succeed.  My desire to be seen as an expert in my field has meant that I have studied almost non-stop since leaving school.  I am continually learning and developing.

I chose Goulburn to be the place where I can use my skills.  It is such an honour to be recognised for this.

Thank you Goulburn for letting me be part of your business community.  Today I feel blessed.