The live music hangover

It is the morning after and I am coming down from the natural high I feel when I hear live music.  It is what I call my live music hangover.  We identified in my personal coaching that something I need to work on is to find some fun in my life.  I know that I can be too serious and focused, and this prevents me from having fun.  I watch my family and friends and the fun they seem to have, but I feel like there is a barrier between sensible Jo and fun Jo that is difficult to remove.  But not so much when there is live music.

It is a long weekend here in Sydney and the perfect opportunity to put work and study aside for a day and go to a local pub, “The Bull & Bush” to watch some of my favourite bands.  They are my favourite bands because they are “our” bands, made up of our friends, singing the songs we know.  Hey, sometimes I even get up there and join in as a back up singer for a song or two.

In all honesty, yesterday when I got to the pub I was not really in the mood.  My husband and sister had started the party earlier than me, and I was still very much in sensible Jo mode.  I don’t deny that a couple of vodkas helped me to relax a little but something special happens when that music starts to play.  It can practically visualise the belted constraints of sensible Jo breaking away as I move to the vibrating beat of the music.  I am having fun!

For the next few hours I am free.  Free to sing and dance.  Free to move unrestrictedly to the beat.  Free to connect with my friends on an unspoken level. We are in this together.  We are sharing an experience.  Most importantly, I forget that I am sensible Jo and I don’t worry about what other people are thinking of me. 

I can’t imagine how amazing it would be to be a musician and to feel this high on a regular basis.  Unfortunately, when it comes to any of the arts I have zero talent.  I did learn to play the piano as a child, but I played the piano like someone who would one day become an accountant.  Music, like most things in my life, was about numbers, patterns and routines.  It is only as you get older that you realise that good music is about soul and passion.  Even if I had continued with the piano as a child, I would never have been a good musician as I would still be seeing the music in patterns and numbers.  That does not mean that I cannot appreciate the music that other people play, recognising their soul and passion.

I have been concentrating lately on reframing and altering my state.  I have been listening to podcasts in the car rather than music, which has been extremely inspiring, but I think I need a bit more balance.  I miss turning the music up loud, signing my head off in the car, and feeling happy when I do so.  My own private concert where no one is there to judge how bad my singing actually is.  I need to do this some more of this to help me to change my state.  I think I have come to a realisation that music is an important element in my life, even though I am not musical.

Yesterday I found a happy place for a few hours.  A problem I have is the morning after when sensible Jo starts to creep back in.  I remember what I did, how free I was feeling, and I start to wonder what other people were thinking of me.  I feel guilty about having fun and I feel those belted constraints tightening up again.  I over think the situation and I start to beat myself up about letting my guard down.

Today I don’t feel that way for the first time in a long time.  I gave myself permission to let loose for a few hours, and I am giving myself permission to not stress about it.  It is egocentric to think that people actually care what I do and how stupid I look as I dance my butt off.  I didn’t do anything too crazy and maybe people were too busy having their own fun to be judgemental of others.  I know a lot of my insecurities are all in my head, but if they are in my head, doesn’t mean that I have control of those insecurities as well?  I am not allowing myself to have a guilt hangover today.

Thank you to Jimbo, Nelsey, Leny’s Girl and The Predicators for a great afternoon of live music.  It was a pity that it had to end so suddenly due to licencing laws.  I didn’t get to have a sing as a result but there will be other opportunities to “Jump in my Car”.   Most importantly, thank you for giving me the platform to have a few hours of fun.  I had a blast.