What I am learning from my kids - Part 2

Today is Joel’s day.  It was exactly 22 years ago that my cute as a button baby boy came into this world. Happy birthday Joel.

Your first child is special in so many ways, and I cherish those first 4 years when it was just the two of us learning so much together.  Joel taught me how to be a parent.  He took me through that crash course all mum’s receive when they suddenly have another person to look after, with no instruction manual.  Fortunately for me Joel was a pretty good baby.  If he was fed he was happy.  He was eager to learn and loved all the stereotypically boys things like Thomas the Tank Engine and dinosaurs.  We would play for hours and watch all our favourite videos together.  That special bond was created.

Even when Jordan arrived and took my attention away from Joel, he coped pretty well.  I think the 4 year gap was a good thing.  Joel was busy taking on those new growing up experiences like kindergarten and sports.  He was taking me on a whole new journey of parental experiences.  I became a soccer mum (although only for 2 years), and learned that volunteering in sports would give me so much joy.  I still recall that first day at soccer when Joel was 4 years old and they asked for parent volunteers for coach and manager.  Ron McFarlane put his hand up to be coach, and I put my hand up to be manager.  Years later I still call Ron & Leanne McFarlane my friends, even if I don’t see them too often.  The relationships you make through kids sports are priceless and I urge everyone to be involved in what their kids are doing.

So Joel was not a great soccer player but he did score one goal which was probably the most exciting thing for me at that time.  I loved celebrating his achievements but I hated the way, as a parent, we get caught in that trap of competitiveness with other parents.  There is always someone faster, smarter, more popular than your child and as mum that plays on your mind.  One major lesson that Joel has taught me is that I had no need to be a competitive mum.  He is fine with the way he is.  He is comfortable in his own skin, and happy to be part of a team, to compete against the opposition but not against his own team mates.  Perhaps he was always wise beyond his years.

It was because of Joel that we moved from soccer to rugby league and that opened up a whole new world for our family.  New, lifelong friends were made and rugby league is a major part of our lives now.  Joel was a good league player, but he was not as passionate as his brother.  When he chose to stop playing as a 16 year old it broke my heart.  However, it is a game that requires your passion and Joel wanted to do other things.  Ironically, it was back to soccer for Joel, back to the same club he started out at.  I really enjoyed watching him play a sport purely for the fun of it.  After all, that is what sport is all about, playing a game with your mates.

Joel has a unique character and that is one of the things I love so much about him.  He is passionate, but it is not about sport.  It is about film, gaming and books.  I always read to Joel when he was little.  It started out small but by the time he got a little older we moved onto Harry Potter.  The first two books I read aloud to Joel.  By the time we got to the third book, he could read it himself.  He devoured books, and still does.  I remember when the final Harry Potter book came out, we arrived at the shops at 9am to purchase it.  Joel was in a mild panic that it would be sold out, but we secured a copy.  He then read it all day and all night until he had finished it.  A marathon effort that only someone with a passion for reading can do. 

His passion probably borders on obsession at times.  I always knew that Joel loved gaming, but I didn’t realise how much.  I believe he is pretty good at it.  We seemed to always be at EB Games buying another game as he had finished the last one.  He has that technical brain, but he is also surprisingly creative.  He loves film and science fiction and if he goes missing in action for a few hours, he is probably at the movies seeing the latest release.

One of the proudest moments for me was when Joel nervously advised me that he was quitting university as he had been accepted into a Diploma of Screen and Media course at a private college, AIE.  My pride was based around the fact he had made the decision himself, he had prepared his portfolio, attended an interview and been accepted without our knowledge.  That made me incredibly proud.  My boy was growing up and making his own decisions.

Over the past 2 years at AIE I have watched Joel thrive.  He loves what he is doing and he seems pretty good at it.  He has come out of his shell and he has found his tribe of people, making friends with like minded souls.  He seems so happy and dedicated to his craft of film editing.  Even if I don’t really understand what it is you are doing I am so proud of you for following your passion and having the courage to do so.  You will have a career doing something you love and not many people get to do that.

Another thing Joel has taught me is resilience.  Joel has had challenges in his life journey so far.  He watched his parents marriage dissolve, and as our oldest, was very much aware of what was going on.  He has a brother who is much more in the lime light than he is, which must be difficult at times.  Yet Joel takes it all in his stride.  I have never heard him speak with jealousy of his brother.  I have never heard him complain about his situation in life.  He is always carefree and supportive. 

Joel, you are very much loved and I am so proud of the man you have become.  I look forward to watching what the future holds for you and I want to be invited along when you win that Academy Award for film editing.  Enjoy your 22nd birthday mate.  Love from Mum xxx