Happy Holidays

This holiday season, I could see it going one of two ways. 

I spent Boxing Day watching Netflix and scouring social media feeling the envy of everyone’s amazing Christmas.  The photos were beautiful, the families were happy, everything looked perfect.  My mind started to spiral at my poor attempt at Christmas this year.  No fancy table decorations, my cooking was not up to scratch and I felt like my family were there out of obligation more than anything.  There were no Instagram worthy photos taken.  By comparison to my Instagram feed, I had failed Christmas.

Path one – continue down this spiral for the rest of the holidays and feel sorry for myself.  Drink too much, eat too much, watch too much TV and worry about the consequences when I return to work.  Work equals structure and distraction.  I can get back on track then.

Honestly, with everything else going on in the world at the moment, my inability to make the perfect meal and serve it on the perfect table is so trivial.  It is almost embarrassing to admit that it was consuming my thoughts most of Boxing Day, however I am sure I was not alone in my thinking.  Christmas Day is not perfect for everyone and I am sure there were other people thinking they had not lived up to expectation that day.  It is just one day and I have no idea why being perfect at Christmas is even a thing.

Path two – get on with living and enjoying the break I have been waiting for all year. 

It has been a tough year.  It is my first year without my husband, so grief was ever present.  As a business owner I have struggled with the everyday challenges of running a business – staff issues, cashflow issues, addressing the urgent needs of clients and working incredibly hard to meet budget.  I deserve this two week break.  Make the most of it.

So, I decided that the day after Boxing Day was the day to get on with my life.  I have spent this past year existing around my business.  Nearly everything I have done has been for the business, and this has worked well for me.  It provided little spare time to think. My main distraction from work is fitness, my healthy distraction.  I have been trying to work on my mental health with mindfulness and meditation, but I find my thoughts are often full of work issues.  In 2023 I existed.  In 2024 I want to find joy and purpose in my life again.

Day 1, The Perfect Day.  I recall during the year being asked what my perfect day would look like.  I can’t remember my answer but I think it was something like starting the day with a good workout, spending the day doing something I enjoy, eating a nice meal, doing some yoga, not feeling rushed or pressured.

So that is what I did.  I centred the day around a trip to the NSW Art Gallery.  I am not sure what it is about art galleries, but I find them a great place to visit on my own.  In fact, I prefer to visit them on my own so I can take my time to read about the art with no need for discussion or opinion.   Many years ago, when I was briefly living in New York and feeling lonely and homesick, I spent most weekends at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.  It was so big you could always find something new to look at.   As an accountant with very little natural creativity, it surprises me how much I am drawn to art.

One of the reasons for my visit to the Gallery was to be inspired, to wake up the little bit of creativity in me that is usually smothered by numbers and deadlines.   I realised during the day that it is not only art that helps my creativity.  My creativity was sparked due to the lack of structure in my day.  I had no deadlines, I didn’t really have a plan for the day.  I had a destination, but what I did when I got there, when I left, how I got home evolved naturally as the day progressed.  How often do I get a day like that?  My perfect day is an unstructured day.  So simple.

And at around 3am this morning the creativity and inspiration arrived.  Not the best time, but I am on holidays.  Who cares if I am awake at 3am?  I can sleep later if I need to.  I have no plans, no structure and an afternoon nap on holidays sounds like bliss to me.

It is only the start of the holidays, and I am sure I will be craving structure by the time I return to work, but for now I am going to find a bit space to just be.  These unstructured weeks are a gift that comes only once a year and I intend to make the most of it. 

Happy Holidays.